The night before the last presidential debate, the activist collective Luminous Intervention projected stories of survivors of sexual violence on the Capitol Building in Washington DC, including the phrase “RAPE is RAPE” to counter rhetoric like Todd Akin’s noxious “legitimate rape” and insist the issue be addressed in the national dialogue.
”It’s not too much to ask men and boys to “look, but don’t touch.” A young woman who wants to be noticed, even desired, without being assaulted isn’t making an unreasonable request. She’s not defying the facts of biology. She’s asking to be watched, appreciated, and left unharmed. Saying that she’s asking to be raped is like saying that a talented actor who portrays an unsympathetic villain particularly well on screen is asking to be attacked by an outraged member of the movie-going public. There’s a difference between a performance and an invitation, and it’s not that hard—really, it’s not—to distinguish the two.
OVER IT: Today a female soldier in Iraq or Afghanistan is more likely to be raped by a fellow soldier than killed by enemy fire. Take a minute to watch this stunning trailer for The Invisible War, a new film on this staggering and underreported truth:
The Silent War is a social awareness campaign about rape in South Africa illustrated and designed by Greg Richards.
“As there are six colors in the South African flag I developed six different areas of rape to raise awareness towards. Each poster carries a different colour of the flag. The six areas are: child rape; why men rape; woman’s chance of being raped versus learning to read; South Africa being the rape and HIV capital of the world; women are primitively referred to as fair game by men; and the frequency of rape incidents per day. For each image the person is looking directly at the viewer to create a direct communication of the campaign’s message.” writes Richards.
This is Africa, our Africa
A lot people tell me that talking about sex with your partner, laying out boundaries beforehand AND during, communicating and adjusting during, renegotiating boundaries during and after is awkward and “kills the mood.” Now frankly I don’t understand that, communication is awesome and usually makes the whole thing go smoother because I don’t have to worry about doing it right/the way they like it, but maybe it’s just that I’m an extremely verbal person and also tend to be very focused on my partner’s pleasure.
But for those of you who do think talking about the details of sex with your partner can be awkward, here are some useful phrases and ways to open the conversation.
People who have reblogged this have also added the following questions:
“Might you become nonverbal during sex?”
“Do you enjoy light touch, deep pressure, or both?”
“Can we negotiate in sign language?”
“I need my AAC device on the bedside table while we’re fucking.”
“If you want to stop, what mode of communication will you use to let me know? Will you be able to initiate communication to tell me to stop, or should I check in at regular intervals? How often should I check in?”
“Can I see a social story for this?”
“Are there any nonverbal signals I should look for to stop right away?”
“to slow down/back off?”
“that something is really really good?”
“Any sensory sensitivities or triggers?”
“Anything you really like?”